12.12.2004

Jenna

I wanted to call this one just "Jenna"...and with good reason.

Today was more than just spent with Jenna, today was Jenna. It was Jenna day. And it was a good day.

A good day.

I've tried to decide what form to use in translating my experience to a space that anyone could theoretically stumble across, and I've decided to go with the free association memory narrative. It's the one people will probably be more open to, and also the most experiential and least analytical. This was most definitely an experience and one I won't forget.


This is a bracelet. I broke it.
I did not expect. I really did not. I remember before, when I tried to start a pillow fight, I hit my key mobile and it's still hanging sideways. And I remember when I fetched water in my bathrobe after. I remember all that confetti being there with us. She had made sounds in the night, whooshes and booms like a dive bomber. We thought these things after waking: I, register for classes, she, go and eat in town. But we went never far from bed. It was an absolutely beautiful day but no matter. We were inside and it was better. I didn't believe at first when she said what she said, because we'd talked and I never thought... like that... in my room with the mess and the daylight streaming in bright like a lamp. It made things hot and so I turned the heater off, but by then it didn't matter. We were hot from kissing, from touching and having our bodies together. Then she said "we've gone this far." I was surprised and asked her again and asked if she was sure. She said yes but I didn't know. And so I put another contact in to replace the one I'd lost in the night, then I could see her clearly and I saw in her face that she was sure. I don't know how I could tell but I could. At that moment I felt so much thankfulness and kindness and responsibility and I just wanted to be good to her. I knew she would remember even more than I would. And so we did. We did it. And it was good, but also very new to her and hard work for me. I remember her face then, and afterwards touching the stickers on my wall. I knew it to be too soon when I asked how she felt but she wrote later in her journal: "I'm glad. I really am. I'm glad he was my first" and that made me happy. She was still a bit stunned afterwards, that it actually happened. When she left I made bubbles, lots of bubbles out the window that blew up and out and everywhere and that helped. We showered apart and she said later the first two people she talked to asked her about sex. And she blogged it right then, yes, so I don't feel I'm exposing her. We ate after being apart an hour. Then, since we had finally gotten off campus and were in no hurry back I took her to Lover's Point. I thought it appropriate. We watched the stars and sat on the rocks and hid from headlights and kissed as the ocean chased us. It was very nice, and I wanted to make her whole day special. After that we sat on a bench and talked. I talked about how surreal life is and we discussed how it could be real if it was above reality. And I told her the last time I was there was with Dana—the last time I was with her. We both saw a shooting star but wouldn't admit our wishes. On the drive back I suggested that we should be considered official, be boyfriend and girlfriend, which is what I knew she'd wanted for a long time. Not because of what we did but because it made me realize all that we'd already done in the past 64 days, what we've become. Once back at her dorm we messed around when no one was looking. We drank vodka and pepsi which tasted like nail polish remover. And then she surprised me again and said that she felt like a person on a roller-coaster, who once they've been through wanted to go again. I don't think I could paraphrase her any better. So when her roommate left for a half-hour we seized the moment, ripping off clothing as fast as we could and leaving some on. It was quick, and fun. Then we cracked some windows and lit a candle and didn't get caught. It was incredibly crazy, even surreal. Sometime afterwards I started laughed and couldn't stop for a long time. I laughed for no apparent reason but now I know the reason was that. Before I left she started blogging things again, so I yanked her out of her chair and danced cause that's what she needed. There was more kissing than dancing, though. We kissed a lot before I left. And now I'm here and it took 5 hours to write this but it was worth it. It was worth it.

Good day.
Jenna said...


You made me smile this big.
I realized today that the :ahem: evidence was sitting in my trash can. Just chillin there. :o) Oops.

Thank you.

11:28 AM  
cuidadosllamas said...

everything you wrote was lovely. i'm happy for you sir. i really am.

9:01 PM  

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