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Nobody wants your $24 handmade cheese markers! #shitlynaesays

“You need to leave feedback for 159 buyers.” Orin, I have success problems. #shitlynaesays

Goofus was totally dreamy. There’s some hot Goofus/Gallant slash on the Internet… unsurprisingly. #shitlynaesays

I used to only eat the B. in B.L.T., and now I eat all the letters! #shitlynaesays

That’s not a chest cold. Jerry Brown has emphysema from smoking too much weed with Jim Jones back in the day. #shitlynaesays

No no no, you can read yourself. #shitlynaesays

Oh, the humanzee! #shitlynaesays

Don’t eat your beard; it’s unbecoming in a lady. #shitlynaesays

Orin, can we use our time machine to finally go to Burning Man this year? #shitlynaesays

I think I’m going as icky homo (Ecce Homo) for Halloween. Let’s see if YouTube has a makeup tutorial. #shitlynaesays

I don’t think farmer’s markets were designed to cater to my chicharrones addiction. #shitlynaesays

Thrift stores are the concentration camps of the book world. #shitlynaesays #yesreally

What does teledildonics have to do with furries anyway? #shitlynaesays

What’s wrong with you? You don’t laugh when Jacques Cousteau says “the rainy season on Lake Titicaca”? #shitlynaesays

I stuck my finger in the cream-hole :-(

I don’t understand how Rockula isn’t more appreciated now that more people are familiar with the vampire romance genre. #shitlynaesays

It’s not my fault that all funny laughs can be interpreted as ethnically insensitive! #shitlynaesays

I was promised bacon… by me! #shitlynaesays

I think we should start a meme comparing George Lucas to Kim Jong-eun. #shitlynaesays

I farted… it smells like Bigfoot fart. That reminds me, let me tell you about Mormon Bigfoot legends. #shitlynaesays

Oy, my gluten! #shitlynaesays

I think those [simulated pooping] dolls for little girls are disgusting. What a load of crap. #shitlynaesays

“So, this guy was the Dr. Mengele of gynecology… which is weird, because Dr. Mengele was also a gynecologist.” #shitlynaesays

They can take your balls, but they’ll never take… your freedom! #shitlynaesays

You know that children are just a living symbol of female oppression, right? #shitlynaesays

What would Bob Marley think if he knew we weren’t composting? #shitlynaesays

That’s what I’ve been saying: I was the first person ever to wear cool socks. #shitlynaesays

Look at this, it’s a special dollhouse bathroom just for baby critters! #shitlynaesays #bonanniversaire

I’m so glad we didn’t write our own wedding vows. People who write their own vows just say stupid garbage. #shitlynaesays

She’s like the Lily Munster of Mongolian praise ballads. #shitlynaesays

Fat pets make me sad. #shitlynaesays

I think that lettuce from my garden made me fat. #shitlynaesays

“When you ship a 38-gallon drum of nail polish, it has to go special hazmat class. They also have 56-gallon drums.” #shitlynaesays

I’m having a lot of trouble finding natural sausage casings. #shitlynaesays

Man, what I need is a SWEATERVEST. […] No, it’s one word. #shitlynaesays

My dad seems to have a really poor knowledge of fungus. #shitlynaesays

I need to get my phone embroidered. #shitlynaesays

I didn’t spring for the all-organic chicken; I got the antibiotic-free one though.#shitlynaesays

Did you know that you can make money being a “mommy-blogger” and go on trips and stuff? #shitlynaesays

Man, the Chinese sure know how to make crackers, I’ll give them that. #shitlynaesays