Moist. The night was moist.
Monthly Archives: November 2012
Nobody wants your $24 handmade cheese markers! #shitlynaesays
Best argument against universal ID cards: vampires, time travellers, and shape-shifters will be pissed. You don’t mess with those people.
‘Earnest’ is my least favorite style of guitar-playing.
Spraypainting while my nails dry, as my ancestors did.
“You need to leave feedback for 159 buyers.” Orin, I have success problems. #shitlynaesays
Im fact, I brought home coffee that I found in a boat. A boat on a stage. No label on it, but I trust the brand…
“I ordered it medium spicy… for you.”
–someone who doesn’t understand that I’m the spiciest eater in my family
I’m sick of the commercialization of this holiday! Have we forgotten the true meaning of Black Friday?
“Thanks so much for having us over!”
“Oh, you’re welcome! It’s not my place, I’m just overcompensating because I don’t have a ‘real’ job.”
You kids ever hear the one about the mad scientist, his flooded cottage, a dolphin boyfriend, English lessons, & LSD? bit.ly/Qdk9Qj
Gonna be trapped at a dinner table? Time for a refresher course in More Interesting Things to Talk About en.wikipedia.org/wiki/WP:ODD
What’s up with this Cybersex Monday I keep hearing about? #shitorinsays
What is the feature-length film “The Man From Earth”, Alex?
I have a Bb clarinet. 3 mostly unused reeds, too. You want?
Because there’s hardly any good Thanksgiving music, you’ll appreciate my new X-giving jam even more: ♫ bit.ly/UUcTGb
Goofus was totally dreamy. There’s some hot Goofus/Gallant slash on the Internet… unsurprisingly. #shitlynaesays
Chicks dig fearful symmetry…
Such places fill our lives, and by filling them well with ourselves, we are fulfilled. Or something.
I adore Model Ms! Have 2, and got fired for using one once. Kinda worth it. Would love to help you clean your junk out!
That’s the problem with Hindi-speakers: they don’t have a word for schmutz. #shitorinsays
I’m risking your life by not finding a proper citation, but that sounds about as safe as being covered in isopropyl alcohol.
RT: it shows i’m a fun guy who like to have a good time
RT: i like to make jokes on twitter
Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, and by ‘em, I mean 4 pounds of beef brisket and 5 whole rainbow trout.
“It’s dangerous to go alone! Take this.” *gives you a big bag of money*
“Founder, you honor us with your presence.”
–how my future kids will greet me
“Hello? Yes, this is a dog…”
What I’m saying is: the only people who REALLY get me are Nna, my future children, & the super-intelligent robots that simulate dead people.
And so it goes. We don’t consume linearly, nor soak up the same microculture. Sure, I’m an irreverent joke-y putz sometimes…
BUT I MEAN IT.
I feel like today was a good day, that I was a good host, that I got stuff done. But I confused lots of my Twitter and Facebook friends too.
“My dad bought a microwave in the eighties and it’s already an heirloom. You can’t buy microwaves to cook an entire turkey in anymore.”
I’m not saying they’re soul-sucking pits of mouth-breathing vapidity, I’m just saying they’re not for me.
Like a snowclone, but for half-baked sci-fi ideas.
Like laser tag, but for whale hunting.
Like cloud storage, but for your uterus.
Now no one realizes that all my funny tweets come from:-/
I think it’s time for me to research male ballerinas. Which are called… uh…
I figure that, at some point, complaining about a social media network on said network became the national pastime.
I used to only eat the B. in B.L.T., and now I eat all the letters! #shitlynaesays